


In Which Tsukishima is a Coward and Azumane is Dependable

by Toboe1087



Series: Shared Memories [12]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:35:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23093425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toboe1087/pseuds/Toboe1087
Summary: Tsukishima had known for as long as he could remember that his soulmate was perpetually scared, but also incredibly kind. What he hadn't known, and now definitely appreciated, was just how honest and dependable his soulmate would be.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Tsukishima Kei
Series: Shared Memories [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1223309
Comments: 22
Kudos: 243





	In Which Tsukishima is a Coward and Azumane is Dependable

Tsukishima had known for as long as he could remember that his soulmate was perpetually scared. 

Then he met and befriended Yamaguchi and just had to accept that it was his lot in life to be the sarcastic protector of anxious idiots. 

Every time he told Yamaguchi a story from one of his soulmate's memories he'd seen, the shorter boy would nod along, his own eyes reflecting the nerves that Tsukishima knew had to have been present in his soulmate’s eyes. 

A man with tattoos yelling at him on the subway?

Automatic gut-wrenching fear.

His friends were swimming right after they ate?

Cue the reminder that it was always good to wait a bit between eating and any sort of physical exertion.

There was a test that day?

He had absolute confidence that he would fail it. 

A bush rattling during a test of courage?

He screamed. 

(It had been a bunny. It was _always_ just a bunny.)

Tsukishima’s soulmate was obviously really kind, too, though. There were lots of memories of him feeding homeless cats and helping old women with groceries and running errands for his busy parents. 

As they got older, there were odd memories mixed in, too—of people being scared of _him_ , which Tsukishima had never been able to figure out. Why on earth would people be frightened of this guy?

Well, if they weren’t playing volleyball. His soulmate had an amazing spike. 

Tsukishima honestly wasn’t sure what to think about that. When he’d first discovered his soulmate not only liked volleyball, but was good at it… well, he’d been thrilled. But now, after everything that had happened… 

Tsukishima pushed that to the back of his mind. He was supposed to be at practice anyway. The captain wanted to test their skills with a three-on-three, and the other first years were ridiculously competitive about it. 

As the match progressed, Tsukishima quickly decided that he hated them. They were too eager. They were going to get their hearts destroyed at some point, and Tsukishima wanted nothing to do with that. Though it was the king that he really didn’t understand. Hadn’t this sport already caused him enough pain? Why did he keep going?

Whatever.

It wasn’t his job to understand his teammates. He just had to play with them.

As he was walking home, though, Tsukishima froze, another one of his soulmate’s memories playing through his mind.

The boy was playing volleyball, but his spike was blocked by three blockers.

Three blockers in Dateko uniforms.

And his soulmate had been in a Karasuno uniform.

“Tsukki?”

Tsukishima forced the Karasuno uniform out of his mind. It didn’t mean anything. He’d assumed his soulmate was in high school since he’d started to see high school memories about a year and a half ago, but he could have graduated already. And no one at practice today had seemed especially prone to being anxious about things or scared or anything like that. 

Tsukishima forced himself to respond to Yamaguchi, who was still looking at him with concern. “It’s fine. Just another memory, that’s all. He was having trouble with some blockers.”

“Oh.” Yamaguchi grinned, “I still think it’s really cool that you two play the same sport! My soulmate’s awesome, but the only thing she ever seems to do for fun is draw, and I suck at that.” Yamaguchi pouted. 

Tsukishima shrugged. Yamaguchi said that almost every time he mentioned having a memory with volleyball in it. “Just because you don’t have the same hobbies doesn’t mean you won’t have things to talk about.” 

“I know.” He was still pouting.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes and turned toward the convenience store, Yamaguchi at his heels like always. Predictably, the other boy’s mood brightened as he saw his favorite snack on the counter. Tsukishima picked up some notecards. He was running low anyway. 

Honestly, Tsukishima forgot about the Karasuno uniform after that. It was obvious the boy wasn’t attending any practices, so he had to have graduated and Tsukishima must have gotten the timeline wrong. They’d missed each other by a year or something, and would meet later in life. It wasn’t a big deal.

But then the second and third years started whispering about an ace that had quit the team.

Tsukishima’s soulmate could easily be an ace, with his height and strong spikes. 

And then the trouble twins started hunting down the missing ace. 

Tsukishima watched them from a distance. 

The guy was… well, he clearly was nervous around new people, but also nice. And the goatee gave him somewhat of a thug look that might scare some people, despite his kind demeanor.

Tsukishima didn’t know what to think.

He’d been so sure that the guy wasn’t at Karasuno. 

But…

Brown eyes looked up to meet his, and Tsukishima felt his face heating up at having been caught staring. He quickly moved to walk away. 

He couldn’t be sure this was him. 

After that moment, though, every now and then he felt eyes watching him. Especially when he was with Yamaguchi.

Tsukishima wasn’t dumb. He’d never seen the faces of his soulmate’s teammates, but he’d seen many of the guy’s classmates. Most people found their soulmates because they knew what their best friends looked like, and if Tsukishima’s soulmate had seen anyone’s face, it would be his brother’s or Yamaguchi’s, since he’d hung out mainly with the two of them for most of his life. 

Yet Azumane never said anything, even after the third year joined the team.

Tsukishima knew that meant nothing. The guy was a ball of nerves, _of course_ he didn’t say anything. Yet… how was Tsukishima supposed to be the one to say something? Should he just go up to him and say “I’m 90% sure that we’re soulmates, would you please shake my hand so that I can be certain?” Or even worse, walk up to him and grab his arm or something?

So instead, Tsukishima watched him, and he knew that he was being watched in turn. He could tell Yamaguchi was confused, but his best friend didn’t ask him about it, thankfully. Yamaguchi knew better than to press him, and that Tsukishima would tell him when he was ready.

The problem was, Tsukishima wasn’t sure if this was something you were ever ready for. And in the mean time, he and Azumane had yet to say a single word to each other.

They didn’t _avoid_ each other, necessarily… it wasn’t like either one of them was the most talkative, and there were plenty of other team members Tsukishima hadn’t said a word to, either, but it was different. It was like Tsukishima couldn’t stop paying attention to him, but also couldn’t acknowledge him.

Couldn’t admit they were soulmates.

Not that he didn’t like Azumane. He was… well, he was a lot like an older Yamaguchi, really, though Azumane could be intimidating in a way that made Tsukishima wonder if Yamaguchi would ever be able to have that confidence about something. When Azumane wasn’t nervous or afraid, he always had this calm air of certainty about him that made Tsukishima instantly relax. Tsukishima was so used to having people depend on him; it was nice to be able to depend on someone else. 

And Azumane was dependable, even if he never thought so himself. It almost made Tsukishima want to talk to him--it was frustrating that the guy didn’t see what Tsukishima and the rest of the team saw. 

Whatever. 

He’d tell him eventually. 

In the meantime, he had to deal with Hinata. The new Little Giant. 

It was just his luck to be in the same year as him. He refused to follow his brother’s footsteps, though. He wasn’t going to throw everything into a club that would give him nothing in return. 

So he went to practice, did the work that was required, and then went home, never engaging with his teammates beyond that. 

Though when they’d reached the fall inter-high competition and Tsukishima still hadn’t talked to his soulmate, he did somewhat regret it. The other boy was clearly a bundle of nerves about facing Dateko again. But if Tsukishima talked to him now, he might make things worse.

Of course, then Dateko came over and that blocker pointed at Azumane, making him go stiff as a board. Tsukki hated it. “Is your famed wall so weak you have to resort to intimidating players off the court?”

That made the other team mad, and Daichi was scolding him for starting a fight, but Azumane was sending him a small, grateful smile.

Tsukishima scowled. He just wanted Azumane to go back to normal. Back to where this team stopped making him feel like a failure. 

And after his spike made it past the Dateko wall, he did. Tsukishima’s shoulders eased in relief as the ace reassured the team he would make as many points as he could.

That was more like it. Never so boastful that it was a lie, but confidant in his skills nonetheless. The perfect balance. 

The rotation for their second set was annoying since it would put him up against the guy that had targeted Azumane, but Tsukishima would handle it somehow. He was expected to block, not spike, and that he could manage. 

“Tsukishima.” 

Shit.

Even just hearing his last name in that voice… Tsukishima swallowed, keeping his face neutral as he turned to look at Azumane. The third year was staring at the other side of the net, his tense shoulders the only sign of his current nerves. “I don’t envy you. You’ll be facing their #7 a lot more than in the first set.” 

Azumane was trying to reassure Tsukishima? When _he_ was the one that was so nervous to face this particular team? Winning the first set really did help him. “I’m not too worried, Azumane-san. No one expects me to beat their #7 head on. It’s Hinata’s job to steal the spotlight. Mine is to keep trouble from happening while he’s in the rear.” 

Something flickered in Azumane’s eyes at the suffix attached to his name, but the whistle blew before the third year could respond.

The match was beginning. They would have to talk later.

Except they didn’t. 

Things went right back to the way they had been before, except somehow more tense. 

Tsukishima could practically feel Azumane’s evaluating stares, as well as Yamaguchi’s curious ones. Even the rest of the team was beginning to notice. 

Tsukishima hated it. 

He hated even more that they were going to a week long training camp, where he would be around Azumane 24/7. 

Something would happen, right? Something would have to happen. Tsukishima knew they couldn’t keep ignoring it like this. 

And he didn’t want to, not really. He just… 

Tsukishima sighed. 

He was a coward. 

He could call Azumane a coward all he wanted, but really it was Tsukishima that was afraid. The only person he trusted not to hurt him was Yamaguchi. After his brother…

Tsukishima couldn’t go through that again. Didn’t want to go through that again. 

He was fine with just Yamaguchi. He didn’t need anyone else. 

But his soulmate was _here_. 

He was playing with him at practice, standing only a few feet away from him, walking by him, but always careful not to actually touch him. 

Tsukishima growled in frustration, shoving items into his bag for camp.

He would change something over the camp. They would have a normal conversation. That would be a good start, right?

Except the first few days of camp came and went, and not only had he not managed to say a word to Azumane, the annoying asshole captains from Nekoma and Fukurodani kept monopolizing his time at night. And Hinata just kept getting better and was always working and pushing himself and Tsukishima hated it! This was just a club, it wasn’t anything important and if you poured your heart into it, then you’d only get hurt! Besides, Tsukishima had more important—

“TSUKKI!” 

Tsukishima froze, turning around in confusion to see Yamaguchi running toward him. “What?”

Yamaguchi leaned over, panting as he began to speak. “Tsukki, you were always able to do anything while being cool and smart, so I’ve always been jealous.”

What? Yamaguchi had been jealous? No, that wasn’t what was important right now. That wasn’t what had upset Yamaguchi. “Ok?”

Yamaguchi stood up, glaring at him. “You’re being really lame lately, Tsukki!” 

Huh?!

“So what if Hinata might become the Little Giant someday? That just means you have to beat him, Tsukki! You need to become an even better player than Hinata and prove your skills! You have the height, brain, and instinct, so why do you decide that getting any better is impossible?!”

What the hell. Tsukishima glared at his friend. He knew Yamaguchi was working hard, but why did he think Tsukishima should do the same? “Even if I worked really hard and became the best player on Karasuno’s team, what would happen after that? Even if there’s a tiny chance we might make it to nationals, what happens after that? No matter how high you climb, there will always be someone better. Even if you are able to show some results somewhere, you’ll never actually be number one! You’re going to lose somewhere! You’ll eventually lose and get hurt and all your work will be for nothing! You all know that, so how can you keep going?!” 

Yamaguchi was grabbing his shirt, yanking Tsukishima forward and down so that he was closer to Yamaguchi’s face. Startled, Tsukishima’s eyes widened. Yamaguchi… he’d never been like this before. 

“What else do we need besides pride?!”

The words had been shouted, but the second after he’d said them, Yamaguchi had reverted to his nervous self, releasing Tsukishima’s shirt and backing up, his movements stiff.

“To think this day would come…” Tsukishima smiled at his friend, more certain than ever that one day he would be able to have the kind of calm confidence that Azumane had. “When did you become so cool? You’re actually cool.”

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened, and somehow he became even more nervous. “Tsukki? What’s wrong?”

The smile slipped from Tsukishima’s face. Leave it to Yamaguchi to understand that he was covering something up by addressing something else. 

Well, if anything, Yamaguchi’s answer was at least better than his own worn-out train of thought. Yet… “I can’t accept that. I’m going to go ask some questions.” Tsukishima turned back toward the third gym, ignoring Yamaguchi’s distressed call. 

The idiot captains, of course, had equally confusing answers. The joy of beating the person in front of him? Of putting 120% into something? There being one single moment that would get him hooked? 

Tsukishima didn’t understand it. But he was willing to try it. 

Idly, he wondered what Azumane’s answer would be. He stared at the gym where most of Karasuno was practicing, but in the end he turned back toward where they were sleeping. 

He was too tired to deal with that mess tonight. 

Though he really should have expected Yamaguchi to be waiting for him at the doorway. 

“Tsukki?”

“It’s fine.” Tsukishima paused, frowning. “Thanks.”

Yamaguchi gave him a bright grin. “You’re welcome, Tsukki! Though, umm….” Tsukishima’s eyebrow twitched as Yamaguchi began to nervously push two fingers together. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something else, too?”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes. Predictable. “I’m going to talk to Azumane-san. I’m just waiting for the right moment.”

“You will?!” 

Tsukishima snorted and pushed past his friend in order to enter the building. Yamaguchi had no reason to look so excited about that. “I’d already told myself I was going to do that before we even came to camp, anyways.” 

“Thank goodness.” Yamaguchi actually sighed in relief. Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “What’s going on between you two, anyway? Can I ask that?”

Tsukishima shrugged. Yamaguchi could ask him anything. Yet… “I think I should talk to him first. Then I don’t mind telling you.” After all, he wouldn’t know for sure that they were soulmates until they touched. 

Yamaguchi grinned at him again. “Ok!” And then he was babbling about how he couldn’t wait to get better at his serves, and how he’d had another soulmate memory that had distracted him during one of them, and wouldn’t it be bad if that happened during a match?

“They have re-do rules for a reason. It’s not exactly hard to tell when someone has one.” The zoned-out expression was a dead give-away, along with standing there dead-to-the-world for at least thirty seconds

“I know! It’s just… that would be really nerve-racking.” 

Tsukishima shrugged. 

The rest of the night passed in aimless conversation, and the tense lines of Yamaguchi’s shoulders slowly relaxed. 

After they’d lost another full day of matches and done far too many penalty runs, though, Tsukishima felt his heart freeze.

Azumane was waiting at the base of the hill, holding out water bottles toward Yamaguchi and Tsukishima.

Yamaguchi shot Tsukishima a delighted smile, happily thanking Azumane for the water. Tsukishima did the same, carefully making sure their fingers didn’t touch. 

Azumane sighed, but didn’t comment on it. Instead, he turned to Yamaguchi, complementing him on his serves.

This isn’t what Tsukishima wanted, though. He didn’t want to stand there in silence, he wanted to _talk_ to Azumane, and this was the perfect chance, right? Everyone else was distracted and exhausted. It was just him, Azumane, and Yamaguchi.

Tsukishima took a deep breath. “Azumane-san.” There it was again. That brief flash of frustration in Azumane’s eyes. Huh. The third year really didn’t like Tsukishima calling him by that suffix. Tsukishima frowned. “Azumane?”

At that, Azumane gave him a small smile. “Asahi-san is fine, Tsukishima-kun.” 

Tsukishima could feel his face burning. Should he return that courtesy? But the only people that called him Kei were his family members, whereas their older teammates called Asahi by his name. It wasn’t the same. But… “You can call me Tsukki, then.” 

Yamaguchi was _definitely_ staring at them now. 

The smile Asahi gave him was worth it, though. 

Normal conversation. _Normal._ “Doesn’t Hinata bother you? That feeling of immense talent creeping up behind you?”

“Ah…” Azuma—no. Asahi rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well, I guess you could say I’m not at ease.” 

There it was again. His honesty. It was always so refreshing. “I’m sure Hinata’s still obsessing over the title of ace.”

Asahi took another sip of water. “That might be true. Maybe that’s why he said he needed to change. But because of that all of us have gotten motivated too.” The older boy smiled at him, still calm and focused.

Tsukishima hated it.

Hated the way his heart yearned to have that smile directed at him more. Tsukishima stamped down the feeling. “If you’re not careful, Hinata’s probably going to bite you again because he’s too focused.”

Asahi blinked. “Oh, you mean when we both went to spike and he jumped into me.” He nodded. “We’re in the same boat. Our positions kind of make Hinata our rival, so we probably notice more than the others how much he’s grown from the baby bird he used to be. But I don’t plan on losing to him.” He held up his hand with a grin, like he was expecting Tsukishima to shake it. “You shouldn’t give up, either.” 

Tsukishima stared at his hand.

Not giving up. 

That was the same thing Yamaguchi had said. 

Were the situations really that similar? Had he been giving up with Asahi? He didn’t… Tsukishima didn’t want to give up on this. He _liked_ Asahi. He was calm and reassuring. He wasn’t annoying, he was honest and always looking out for others. He worked hard to keep good grades while staying in the club, he—

“Ah. Sorry.” The hand was retreating. “I know—” 

Tsukishima’s hand grabbed Asahi’s.

Immediately his body felt warm all over, like he’d been wrapped in a blanket that had just come out of the dryer.

Asahi was staring at him with wide eyes. “I knew it.” His voice was barely a whisper. “I mean, it had to be you, right? Yamaguchi was all over your memories and Tanaka mentioned that you have an older brother that used to play here and your personality and all, but you never _said_ anything, so I wasn’t sure, but—”

Tsukishima scowled. “You never said anything, either.” 

“Wait!” They both turned to look at Yamaguchi. Tsukishima had completely forgotten his friend was there. “You two are soulmates?! _That’s_ what all the awkwardness has been about?! Tsukki!!” Green eyes glared at him accusingly. Absently, he wondered if Yamaguchi was about to grab his shirt again, but he didn’t. “You don’t just ignore your soulmate!” 

Tsukishima frowned. “I wan’t ignoring him.” If anything he’d been hyperaware of him

Asahi snorted. “Yeah. I could tell that much.” 

“See?” 

Yamaguchi groaned. “You’re hopeless. You two should actually _talk._ Alone.” Yamaguchi gave him one last glare, then stormed off, muttering under his breath.

Tsukishima watched him go, bewildered. Sure they hadn’t taken the usual route, but it had worked. Both of them were the kind of person that preferred to slowly get used to other people, not immediately attach themselves to someone. 

“We don’t have to talk, if you don’t want to.” 

Tsukishima looked back over to see Asahi watching him, his brown eyes cautious. 

“I want to.” Tsukishima frowned. “I’m not good at talking, though.” 

That earned a small laugh. “Sorry, it’s just…” Asahi shrugged, “You’re a lot better with words than I am. Your comments and such are funny, even if you shouldn’t rile Kageyama and Hinata up so much." 

Tsukishima blinked, then shrugged, setting his water bottle down on the ground and leaning against the wall. “He deserves it. And you’re good at motivating people. That means you’re good with words.” 

“Really?” 

Tsukishima nodded again, annoyed. He wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it. 

Asahi gave him a sheepish grin. “Thanks.” He sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Coming from you, I know you’re not just saying it to make me feel better.” 

Tsukishima didn’t know how to respond to that. Of course he wouldn’t say something he didn’t mean. 

The third year gave him a knowing look, whatever that was about, then started to fidget. Tsukishima frowned, but before he could ask what was wrong, Asahi was talking again. “Look, I want to take this slow, but I also know there’s only so much time before I graduate, but if you’re not ready for something or need more time to yourself or anything, let me know, ok? But um…” Asahi looked down at their joint hands. 

Tsukishima’s eyes widened and he felt his face reddening even more. He’d never let go after grabbing Asahi’s hand. That… how had he not realized that? He tried to pull it away, but Asahi’s grip tightened, making Tsukishima look back up at him. 

“Until the next match starts, could we just stay here and… well, could we keep holding hands?” 

Tsukishima was entirely certain that his face had never been this red, but he nodded. He liked Asahi’s hand. It was warm and calloused, firm and supporting. 

Damn it, he sounded so cheesy. 

Tsukishima swallowed, staring out at the hill ahead of them and refusing to look over at Asahi. “Why do you work so hard at volleyball, Asahi-san?” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Tsukishima saw Asahi shoot him a surprised look. Then the third year shrugged, turning to look at the hill as well. “Because I want to be the one my teammates can always count on.” 

Tsukishima hummed to himself. Yes, that sounded right. That’s just what Asahi was, after all. 

Dependable. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the new installment of my soulmate series! Someone mentioned this rarepair in a chat and my mind just wouldn't let it go until I'd put my own version of it out there. So thanks for joining me in rare pair hell! 
> 
> If you want to talk about my work, writing, art, or anime in general, we always love to have new people join us on my discord server! We recommend fics to each other, have writing and art challenges, and play games :D You can be active as much or as little as you want. I try to keep ppl informed about upcoming works I’ll be posting and there’s also some fan art there of some of my works https://discord.gg/BDZGCBa


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